so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize