You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
