I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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