I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize