things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
