I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
So vagazzling was a success
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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