Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Randomize
