Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
