i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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