Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
