why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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