I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
