I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
