Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
