did you get engaged???
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Randomize
