if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
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