So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
