i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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