the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
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