Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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