I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
