I wanna passion pit in your ass
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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