When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Randomize
