i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
