1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
your parents love me but you hate me
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
