Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
