The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
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