YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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