Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
