Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
