Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
