come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
