I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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