Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
