p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
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