walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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