They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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