Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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