When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
True strength comes from lack of pants
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Randomize
