i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
