and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I'm passing your future prison.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
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