I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
