Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
