you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
i came on her dog
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize