So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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