I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Randomize
