I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
