Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
