fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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