I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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