The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
