I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
