A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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