just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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