The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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