does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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