He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
