Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
