dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
