she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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