Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
