So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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