I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
