I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
