WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I need a hoe opinion
go on
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
