the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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