You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
operation have a gay friend backfired
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Randomize
