it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
